I'm not big at couponing, I try, which usually means me cutting a few out of the Sunday paper and generally forgetting to use them when I go to the store, leaving them to expire by the time I actually remember I have them. I've never been big at finding the best deal on anything, but since moving into the bigger house I'm finding I need to be better, I need to try and save money where I can. I'm slowly trying to break into the whole couponing world and I'm finding 'the early bird gets the worm' is the motto. I went to Safeway for their weekly deals, granted I didn't go on 'opening' sale day but I figured I was stepping in the right direction by expanding my possibilities and going somewhere other than Wal-Mart for my shit. Apparently, couponing is a sport. For the love of everything holy, all I wanted were the .99 pantyliners, .99 toothpaste and the $4.50 pizza (which I did manage to get) I mean I'm all for the couponers, but seriously? If I ever blog about my 'steals' of 50 boxes of tampons, 100 tubes of toothpaste and my trek all over town for .99 pantyliners, farm hand me. I was running late (surprise, right?) and didn't want to ask someone if there were more in back for fear of the poor unassuming cashier feeling the wrath of a hormonal infertile who got her period this month and can't find any god damn .99 pantyliners. This is what us humans do, we compete, for everything. We find a good deal, but want a better one. And when we do find a good deal, we take all that's left of it. We're constantly on the look out for the next best thing. We are freaks. My husband has told me on occasion, you don't always get what you want. Life is compromise and sometimes, you have to let things go. Why is it so hard for us to be happy with just what we have? Like you won't be happy until you have every single .99 item the grocery store has but really once you get there and you do have it all, you'll still end up searching for more. You'll always want the next bigger thing, you always think that if you just had a little more, you'd be happy. Really though, you have to choose to be happy. You make the choice in the morning to wake up and be happy, happiness is not a destination, its a way of travel. You can choose to be jealous of the neighbor with the Audi, three kids and pool or you can be happy with your Saturn, only child and .99 pantyliners. For me, someone telling me I can't have something, only drives me. It adds fuel to the fire of life and makes me want to prove that I can, whatever I set my mind to, I do it. By standers can see a train wreck coming from a mile away but for some of us, we have to experience it, live it and learn from it before we can really understand it. Compromise, like anything, is hard. I have a hard time saying 'no' to anything. I take on too much, always. My plate is always full. I try not to bear my weight on anyone else's shoulders (unless its a quick venting sesh to clear my brain for the big stuff) and too many times I carry my own weight and then some. I don't even know if I'll be able to take on the IUI in September, mentally or physically. I've got a lot of my bosses weight on my shoulders and am feeling slightly overwhelmed with the pace of work already. Its good to be challenged, to be aware of what you can handle and to gain experience in areas you can learn from. I think you learn a lot about yourself when you challenge yourself. If .99 items make you happy, then for the love of god go crazy and buy them all. I realize this post was a little all over the place, not even really sure what I was getting at, this is how my brain works and I didn't feel like tying things together so its a bit of a cluster of thoughts. I promise when I get back from vaca, I'll do better.
We're leaving for vacation Saturday, staying with my sister in law and her family who are stationed in Jacksonville, NC. I'm leaving work, infertility and worry behind. I'm replacing those things with beer, a beach chair and sunshine on my shoulders. There is something so soothing about the smell of coconut sunscreen, salty air and sand in your ass crack.
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