Ovulation. Your hormones, ferimones, all your 'mones have done their job, your egg (a shriveled up pea as I envision mine) has made its way down your fabulous fallopian tubes and has with any luck been felt up by one of some 75 million motile sperm, so long as my withered cervix allowed their entry, we know what a bitch she is. We wait, we wait another week. I'm totally trying to be that one success story you hear about. Girl has surgery, girl can't conceive naturally, girl takes out loan to pay for fertility treatment, surprise bfp a few months before planned procedure. BANGO! This was my un-planned month and it just so happens we had glorious baby-making sex the day O was confirmed! Don't worry, I'm not all up on my high horse with hope because getting pregnant for me, is much like hitting the mega-million lotto, it can be done, but even if you play it enough, the chances are still one in 2.5 million (or rather one in 75 million) of you winning. You know all the odds are against you but there is still that little crevice of hope you hold onto that maybe, just maybe, you will win. I think no matter how many times your hopes are shattered or how numb you try to make yourself, part of you can never quite give up on the hope of something because sometimes, that's all you have left.
Well, it seems as though my role of playing boss last week, might being turning into an actual lead part. In my last post I blogged about how in a few years I may be taking over my business, but with my bosses husbands health declining, a few years has turned into a few months. I won't be the complete owner, my boss still wants a hand in the business but I will be responsible for all in office work, which is 98% of what we do. I will have new hours, which are only a half hour difference than what I'm working now and I will have to work Fridays, something I haven't done but on occasion in three years. I think I'm most upset about that because since the day Lily was born, we've spent our Fridays together. We usually get our grocery shopping done in the morning and spend the rest of the day at the playground, pool or getting in a little retail therapy. I love my Fridays with my girl, just me and her. I know it probably won't phase her in the least, she loves her friends at daycare but I hate giving up that extra time with her. Work consumes so much of our lives anyway. There are a few options and avenues but essentially if I'm going to do this, be a business owner, I'm either all in or not at all. I mean, I knew this was coming, I just didn't expect it to be so soon but when the opportunity arises, sometimes you just have to go with it. If its not a good fit for my life, then we'll go down that road when we get there. Life is about change lord knows I change things as much as I change underwear except when it comes to my job and my man, these things have been consistent for years, its about stepping out of your 'comfort zone' and doing whats best for your family. And while I have many thoughts as to what I want to do when I grow up, from Sonographer, designing cakes with penis cakes being my specialty (kidding!) and stay at home mom, right now, the decision to move forward as owner, best fits. It may not always fit, I may follow through with school and sonography but in the moment, this is the best decision. My dear friend was faced with a similar situation about a year ago and the opportunity for her to be a SAHM presented itself and on many occasions, I hear her talk of how that was the best choice she ever made, for her and her family. They may have to cut back on occasion but all in all, she's so happy with missing the hustle and bustle as a busy working mom. Balance, its all about balance. You save that load of laundry for another day and spend a couple extra minutes reading before bed. You get out a little late, stop for ice cream before dinner. You have a bad day, roll down all the windows and sing your loudest to the little's favorite song don't think I haven't belted out some Barney now. I love hanging up the work hat as I close my office door and stepping into the baby sitter's, as mom. Our lives are defined by our opportunities, even the ones we miss. I don't want to look back on this and wish I had gone for it. I want to try, I want to look back and say I tried, even if it doesn't work, if I suck at it, I gave it my best. I'm always open to experiences and if I've learned anything, its success and failure go hand in hand. To be successful at anything, you've had to experience failure. "Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness" yeah, Oprah knows her shit too. I think this goes for everything in life, to really be successful or reach a goal of anything, you've had to of fallen down at some point, that's part of life but getting back up, is living.
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