oh hey brain, I've missed you

Woke up late. Ran out of time to blow dry my hair. Kid woke up early. Cried for 23 minutes because she couldn't wear a 'pretty dress' or her Dora flip flops that are too small. Got my period (I'll explain below). Hub calls, forgot ALL of his softball stuff, in which he needs to play tonight. Awesome! gather his softball shit that is strewn throughout the house. Get crying three year old juice, a snack, and in the car. Hit the car door on a giant ladder in our garage (wtf!). Ate Captain Crunch while driving, no spoon. Que more crying because I left my ipod and couldn't play "Homeboy" or "Bow chicka wow wow". All before 7:30 this morning. All that balance of work/mom shit, totally out the window this morning, I wanted to scream, pretty sure I did at some point, not at the kid, just in the general direction of everything. I hate losing my cool, I don't want the little to remember Ma, the ol' bitch who screams out like she has torrett's and puts the box of cereal in the fridge because she is legitimately crazy. I want to be Mom, who stops for milkshakes, jams to cool songs and won't tell Dad if you want birth control. Sometimes its hard to balance crazy mom with cool mom and sometimes its ok to just scream, because it always makes you feel better. I said sorry for screaming, she said "its ok, its just a accident" and off we went. Pretty sure cool mom won this morning. Put that in your juice box and suck it, crazy mom.

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"The sudden disappointment of hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes" Basically, even if I ever do get another baby, my soul will always be bruised. Af, Aunt Flo, "the witch", Mother Nature's monthly 'gift' whatever you call it, I got it. 8 days early, once again. This only means a whole new set of problems because even if by chance my hateful cervix lets sperm in, 8 days is not enough time for implantation to take place. Average luteal phases are 12-14 days, the past three months mine have been a solid 7-8 days, seriously?seriously. I did a little reading online on ways to lengthen the luteal phase and vitamin B6 can help, seems the reason the phase is short is that I'm lacking enough progesterone. This shouldn't be a problem when its time for the IUI because they give you progesterone supplements after the procedure to make sure this doesn't happen. To make my day even better, first post when I logged into facebook or rather fertilebook is a status from a girl who is 35 weeks pregnant, complaining about her heartburn and not sleeping and how pregnancy isn't what it cracked up to be and she just wants her baby out. I know pregnancy isn't easy but seriously? I whole heartily wanted to post the following video to her status because quite literally, I would die for heartburn, swollen feet, kicks to the ribs and sleepless nights.

Disclaimer: To my fellow infertiles, stop, grab a glass of wine, an entire box of tissues and plan on hitting 'repeat' multiple times.