good news for people who love bad news.

I got a call from the new RE office and they need me to come in to go over my lab and pap results, this was not expected as my next appointment was to be after and HSG and before the LAP. Awesome. I go in on the 28th at 4:00. I do think he is going to bypass the HSG and go right ahead with the LAP in January as we did the hsg in 2010 with no results. That, of course, is if all of my labs came back normal, but lets face it, its me, there is always something standing in my way. I kind of expected it. However, it could ALWAYS be worse. I could be the lady on the most recent episode of Call of the Wildman. I tried to find a youtube clip of it and I couldn't so my illustration below is pretty much exactly what she looked like, just so you can get the full affect of her awesomeness. A few questions I have, do you really need that many brightly colored hair clips designated to one area of hair? And just how to you get a possum infestation? I mean they aren't little bugs or mice that squeeze through holes, they are freaking possums. I'm pretty sure as 'turtleman' was telling her about her issue this is what was going through her head "I don't even know what the FUCK a possum is. I thought they were cats. I named them. Why are there cameras here? I need more hair clips."

If you haven't seen "Call of the Wildman", do yourself a favor and tune in. You're in for a real treasure. *insert obnoxious call of the wild he does*

******

Every year, my good friend and I exchange Christmas letters, you know, the one your great Aunt sends you about her extravagant traveling and hobbies? Yeah, well we mock the shitty parts of our lives in our letters. So to keep with tradition, I'll share mine this year:

Dearest friends and family,

I hope this Christmas letter finds you well.

Our year has been rather eventful. We spent weekends visiting wineries and enjoyed a summer vacation in the Outer Banks to avoid going home and having "Bruce Bruce" knock on our door for loan money for his "insulin" problem. Our deck was finally completed in October and as by then it was too cool to use it, we are looking forward to sipping margaritas on it next summer. Lily has been blossoming in Pre-school, her newest phrases are "Poopy-butt!" and "You worry 'bout yourself". She's also been doing a very good job at maintaining both of her personalities, we refer to them as Jackal and Hyde. Her extracurricular activities include dance, watching Beauty and the Beast on repeat and picking her nose. I celebrated my eight year anniversary as keeper of the books this year, I received an excellent evaluation and a small pay raise as we've lost clients this year. I also received more work as I run that shit on a daily basis. I'm thinking of getting a real parrot for the office to keep me company to replace Lewis, the fake one, who keeps me company now. I've been partaking in a few hobbies myself since being alone at the office, such as learning to side braid my hair, broadening my vocabulary at Words with Friends and expanding my vocal abilities with the likes of Adele. I'm pretty sure I should get employee of the month, every month. We made a charitable donation this year of $450 to Culpeper County and the Town of Culpeper for personal property. Its such an honor to be able to park our cars in our driveway in their county. I wouldn't have spent that money any other way!

Yet another year I regret to inform you that Lily did not become a big sister. My cervix has attachment issues to cancer and my tubes seem to be that of an 80 year old whore. So in planning for 2012, the Doctor will insert a scope through my belly button and out my pelvis to check my pipes for blockage. I knew I got rid of my belly button ring years back for a good reason, aside from the fact it would get caught on my mom jeans, I would hate to have to explain an infertility scar every time I flashed my bling. We made no big purchases this year as we've been trying to save for the making of another child, unless you include the brand new 1994 truck with 200,000 miles on it that we bought to haul the necessities of life and to get us back and forth to work in the two snowstorms per year we have.

Wishing you the happiest of holidays! belted in my Adele voice

Stacy

But seriously, have a glorious Christmas bloggy friends! I'll be making reindeer food to put on the driveway so they don't miss our house, baking cookies for Santa so he knows we appreciate him, making sure the 'repeat' button works on the CD player to ensure Glee Christmas plays non-stop and plotting ways to tell people to get the hell out of my house on Christmas after I've had enough of their cheer just kidding, sort of. Enjoy the food, company, cheer and of course, the wine!

This just in: LAP surgery & we're going to need more wine!

I had my appointment with my new RE this morning. I like Dr. R! I didn't feel rushed and his waiting room Better Homes/Parenting magazine ratio pleased me. Props to you on that one Dr. R, not all of us like seeing babies and fertile mothers and their fertile smiles on every single magazine cover. Anyway, I had to get a pap, my last one was in 2009, right after my CKC surgery so I'm WAY overdue for one. I'm a little nervous to get the results back, I have an eerie feeling that my dysplasia is back, which will halt TTC plans until its taken care of. I'm hoping that is not the case and that the surgery has done its job! On the TTC front, he's going to schedule a Laparoscopy before we move onto more invasive, money spending procedures such as the IUI. In short, they insert a tube and dye thru your belly button and check your tubes for signs of endometriosis or anything else that could be causing problems. He suggests this first because if we were to go ahead and do the IUI and there be some blockage in my tubes, the IUI and two g's would all flush right down my tubes because if the egg can't travel down them, then the hub's eager 75 mil sperm can't woo it with their dirty talk and lemonade. I'm pretty sure that's how it happens. I think this is a good plan, I'm ready for it, I'm ready for what's next in life. I'm ready for you January!

******
I've got all my shopping done but still need to make one quick trip the the 'burg. I'm so over shopping for other people, I'm way more of a fan of shopping for myself. Ho, friggin' Ho, right? I have to clean house this weekend in preparation of Christmas dinner at our house. I don't think in the history of ever that I've cleaned my whole house at one time. I'm not one of those people. Growing up, my mom would designate weekends as 'house cleaning weekend' Hell to the nah in my house. If somethings dusty and its starting to bother me when the sun hits it just right, then I'll dust that bitch. If socks start sticking to the floor, I may feel the urge to mop it. I just have to be in a cleaning mood to really want that Clorox smell looming in the air, but mood or not, it must be done this weekend. I'm so ADD in many ways that its impossible for me to start one thing and finish it, I start five things before I ever finish what I first started with. I need a list. A cleaning list. I'll start that today. oh god, I bet my mother has 'cleaning lists'. I was proud of myself for getting out an e-vite to the Morrison side of the family for Christmas dinner, before Christmas Eve. I'm sure they are second guessing letting me take over this whole thing this year after my invite, but whatevs, it will be glorious.

Actual lines from my Christmas at my house e-vite:

"Also, my wine bar has wine in it. Just sayin'. And, my 'Glee Christmas' CD will be playing on repeat for the entire day, because it's awesome. You've been warned. Also, We will provide the appetizers, ham, deviled eggs and holiday plates. Fight with each other over what else you would like to bring for sides because if you ask me, I'll tell everyone wine and pie because I really like those things" If that doesn't frighten people away from coming they must be really awesome or like wine & pie as much as I do.

And if they aren't fans of those awesome things, then I'm pretty sure they shouldn't be partaking in my ham, or Jesus juice, THANK YOU.