"can't you like, feel your eggs drop?"

HA. Yes, dear, I can feel my eggs drop. That would solve ALL of every one's TTC problems, ever. Sometimes my humorous hub is my only sanity in the long days waiting to O. He did suggest, however, that he have another s/a done. His last one was done 4 years ago before Lily was conceived--all was well then but it doesn't hurt to check now. He said he has pain off and on in the 'lower region'. Hmm, you don't think you could have mentioned this 14months ago? He had vericocele surgery 4 years ago and it bothers him off an on, so we'll see. I'm going to call today and set that up. If it does come back low that just makes the IUI all more the answer, which I've been seriously contemplating doing anyway.

We may add a new member to the family, a cute little min-pin! (miniature pinscher) The hub always said if we HAD to have a dog it would be a min-pin because they are small but still manly. All I heard was "I want a min-pin!" My friend works at the SPCA in my county and one was turned in THAT day (what are the chances?). She is about a year old, is being spayed today and can be adopted tomorrow! I'd like to go spend some time with her and see how Lily likes her and I've already named her--Ava. I know, that's horrible, considering we haven't seen her, my hub hates dogs and we have no dog stuff. Dogs are good for kids, he and I both had them growing up and I think it will help me, take my mind off all the ttc stuff. He thinks I want one to fill the void of not being successful at having another baby and maybe in a way I am but in the end, it would be good for all of us.

"aren't you ready to pop another one out yet?"

.............

sigh

I gave her the "we're just enjoying the one right now" line. oh hey, I've seen you twice since HS in the local Wal-mart and you think this is an appropriate thing to ask? Not to mention you 'pop' them out like your trying to save the world's population, maybe I'm just jealous that she CAN pop them out on demand. I know she didn't mean anything by it but this was just the thing to top off my already crappy Monday, disguised as Tuesday. Its one of those "woke up late about an hour, no cup of coffee, no shower, walk of shame with two different shoes on" days.

Date night with my hub was about as eventful as this morning! We've never really done a 'date night' without Lily, mostly because she does good in restaurants and I hate leaving her but my parents wanted to do a sleepover at their house and she was excited about it so why not--the following are reasons why not. I invited my brother and his gf to dinner because what were were supposed to do at dinner alone? Stare romantically into each others eyes? So he was a little riffed about that, then we went to see "No Strings attached", a movie entirely about sex and AF is in FULL flow (like I was supposed to call up Mother Nature and tell her to reschedule AFTER date night?). So we get home and he's all "there are other things we can do", what? no. This is my 'free' time, my 5 days of the month where you have to leave me alone. We have sex like bunnies for 10 days around ovulation, the least you can do is give me a free pass this week. We went to bed. At like 10:00. Its probably safe to say we won't be having another one of those anytime soon--unless we can plan it around O. ;)

lucky ones are we all til' it is over

CD 1. Need I say more? I start out each cycle with all hope that its "the one", the one cycle that will change my life. The weeks following ovulation are filled with so much hope. You've done your best, taken your meds and are ready to turn your body into an oven. For those two weeks, you wait. What do we do? we wait. Just keep waiting. We stress over every temperature, we count down the days until we can test and we pray. For me, those two weeks are the only thing that keep me going. The not knowing and uncertainty that you could be pregnant. I think not knowing, is better than knowing your not (pregnant). Maybe my body needed a cycle to 'regulate' itself after the miscarriage, maybe it just wasn't our time. This is what I do, I question everything in hopes to find an answer as to why the set up can be so perfect and you still and up on CD1. Well, here we are. I keep having this thought, part dream, part made up--that our new baby can share TJ's birthday (October 26) How awesome would that be? If we were to get pregnant this month, our due date would be around that time. Maybe our journey of ttc#2 brought us here, to this point. Maybe I'm just reading into everything too much but whatever, if it will get me through another cycle then so be it!

The most appreciated things don’t come easy

The title basically sums up my life thus far.

A little background on myself, I've lived in the same area all my life. I bought a house and married my best friend when I was 19 (we'll be celebrating 7 years, this year! Hi-yo!) I know what I want, there are no 'grey' areas with me. It's black and white. We welcomed a beautiful baby girl, Lily Grace, into the world May 12, 2008 after 16 long months of TTC. She was conceived the month of my HSG procedure, you know, the one where they insert dye through your fallopian tubes to make sure they are clear. Apparently there wasn't a direct blockage but a lot of times this procedure clears the tubes of any 'debris'. She will be THREE this May, she's going to be the best big sister in the world, I want nothing more than to give her that. She inspires me every day.


After three years of trying to sell our much to small now townhouse we finally SOLD that sucker in May of 2010. The house we had a contract on was a short sale, never buy one, the name is so deceiving. It took 6 months, 6 MONTHS for us to move in, which I was told is minimal compared to what some are. Seriously? If I had to live with other people another day I would have ended up on the front page of the paper and NOT in a good way. We bounced from the townhouse , to my parents basement, to my hub's GG's and finally to our new house. Sounds exhausting, right? Not the best environments for baby-making!




I lost two grandfathers last year, within days of each other followed by the worst October of my life. With the sudden death of my dear friend TJ,who I've known my whole life, I wasn't sure how much more my heart could hurt. I don't need a stupid day or time to remind me he's gone. You know how I know? There is this hole in my heart that has been there since he left. I miss him every single day and long to find a way to survive this life, without him. Please check out his memorial page: http://www.inlovingmemoryoftjmullins.weebly.com/


AS far as baby #2 is concerned (or lack thereof of baby#2) We began 'trying but not trying' in November 09. I had my HSG procedure in May 10 and have been ovulating since June so really we've only been trying for 7 months, long months of medications, blood draws, temping/charting and heartache. I had CKC surgery in June of 2009 to remove cancerous lesions on the cervix, which can also inhibit our chances of conceiving as they 're-shape' the cervix. We met with an RE in August, I left the office feeling completely defeated. We met with the DR, a nurse and a finance lady whom all crammed a TON of information into our little brains, long story short, a simple IUI/injections cycle could help us a great deal, however it will set us back $3,000.00 PER CYCLE. Let me just crap out 3 G's and call it a day, if it were only that easy. I cried the whole way home, maybe we just weren't destined to have two children, maybe I'm not being thankful enough for the one I have. I've got a few dear friends online that ache to have just one and here I am sobbing for a second. But at the end of the day, we all share that common thread of heartache each and every month when we grieve our own silent grief.

We got a positive pregnancy test in December of 2010. Wait, we CAN do this ourselves?! What a relief! Sadly, this ended in an early miscarriage at 5weeks. Just when I thought 2010 couldn't get any worse, it did. I do believe that your life 'plan' is all mapped out before you get here, down to the people you meet. I think miscarriages are baby's whose 'plan' changes, some last minute change to the plan and that the baby will come back to you, it is yours, it just needed the plan to be perfect. This leaves us on today, Cycle day 42, 11DPO and anxiously awaiting a baby in my aching arms.