As Lily approaches her third birthday it has me feeling a little nostalgic. I can remember every little detail of the day of her arrival. The smell of brand new baby skin, the touch of her body pressed up against mine and the exact moment she touched my soul when I saw her for the very first time. Oh, what a long two year process it was but my baby made it, healthy, bright eyed and with every feature of her being, perfect.
We woke up the morning of my induction at 6:30 to be at the hospital at 7:30. All the bags had been packed the night before, showers taken, legs shaved and toe nails painted.
I was ready, she was already two days late and no amount of walking or spicy food eating was coercing her out of my uterus. We left the house, clean and with everything in its place. A swing in the living room, bassinet by the bed and clean bottles in the cabinet ready for use. The 20 minute rainy morning drive to the hospital was a quiet one, we knew this would be the very last time that it was just us, we would be leaving in the very same car with a brand new life in the back. I was anxious and never nervous. I had this calming aoura around me and I would not let nerves get to me, we made it to this day,
we were ready for this day. We got to the hospital, checked in at the birthing center and were showed to our room, #4165. These birthing rooms are more like suites, very comforting and modern. We put our belongings away, I put on the fabulous delivery attire and hopped on the bed as I awaited my nurse, Debbie, to come in and proceed with the induction. Dr M. came in with his morning cup of coffee chatting about the weather and our plans for the day, "are you ready to have a baby!"
more than you will ever know.
My nurse arrived, hooked me up to the fetal heartbeat monitors, had me pee in a cup and
started tried to start my IV, a few attempts and a missed vein with blood running down my arm and all I remember hearing was "stay awake, stay with us" I could hear my heartbeat atop their voices, I felt hot and clammy but kept myself from passing out. She brought another nurse in who started the IV on the first time, this was it, in that IV was the Pitocin that was going to start my labor. They noticed that I was actually having mild contractions on my own every twelve minutes, so maybe this baby
was ready to come after all. It was about 9:00 am now and we called my parents and my in laws to come wait at the hospital with us until the baby arrived. The Pitocin contractions were mild, you could feel them but they were a dull pain.
if this is labor, than I CAN do this all my own. I had no 'birth plan' my plan was, try natural as long as I can stand it and if I can't do it anymore, then I'll ask for medication. I wasn't trying to be a hero, I just wanted to do whatever was best for my baby and then myself. We would chit chat as a nurse would come in periodically and check on things. Dr M. came in at 10 to break my water and with that came the most unbearable labor pains.
I retract my previous statement about doing it on my own--I NEED drugs! This was pain like I've never felt before, it was take-your-breath away pain.
I labored an intense labor for about and hour before asking for medication. I was given a drug that really only made me sleepy
great, now I'm in pain AND can't keep my eyes open. I really didn't feel like this drug was doing anything for the pain, so at 3cm I asked for my epidural. It was only about a 15 minute wait before my savior-of-an-epidural guy was there. He had me sit up with my back towards him and I had to be as still as possible for him to instert the needle while having a major contraction, instant relief followed by instant panic. Mine and the baby's heart rates dropped, they laid me down, rushed to check my vitals and were ready to prep me for a c-section but within that moment, both of our heart rates jumped back up to normal range, where they remained the rest of the time. I was able to relax after the epidural and my body was able to progress in my relaxation. I went from 3 to 7 cm in a half an hour. My family re-entered the room and couldn't believe the difference the epidural made, I was a different person. I wasn't in pain, I wasn't clutching the rails on the bed at the beginning of every contraction, I was relaxed. I was still groggy form the first medication so I slept off and on amidst the quiet chatter in the background that played like music. We were just waiting, waiting for my body to take over and get me through the rest of that journey.
At 7:00 pm, DR M. cleared the room so we could set up and I could get in some 'practice' pushes before the big show. I was fully dilated. They turned down the pitocin drip, just enough so that I wasn't in pain, but so I could
feel when I
needed to push. This was a different kind of pain, I kept asking them if I could push , I
had to push. My body took over, it guided me through the next hour. A long hour it was, I tried pushing on my back, on my knees and no matter how hard I was pushing, I just couldn't get her out. My nurses were amazing, giving me all the strength, support and courage to keep pushing. In between one of my contractions, I looked up at my husband who had this nervous fear in his eyes, fear for me. He was my rock through the pushing, he would tell me how amazing I am and how
strong I was. Strong, strength, that's what it took. I had to muster up every ounce of strength in my body and meet my baby. They used the vacuum a few times and then tried forceps--my husband always refers to these as giant 'salad tongs'. I could not get this baby out, I was exhausted. She was 'sunny side up' or face up coming out of the birth canal which makes for one hell of a delivery. Most babies are face down which allows their head and neck to curve with the canal. I was a few pushes from having her and told Dr M. that I just couldn't do it.
You can, you are almost there and at 9:04 pm on May 12, 2008 I became a mother to a beautiful Lily Grace.
They put this miracle baby on my chest and words cannot explain the euphoric state I was in for the rest of my
night life. She was perfect, every feature on her tiny body was made to perfection. They took her to the warmer, cleaned her up, took her vitals and weighed her--7 pounds 11ounces. She was a big baby for me, DR M said he even went home and told his wife how amazed he was that this baby came out of my small frame.
This made me proud. I did it. They swaddled her perfect little body in a new blanket and put a hat on her and welcomed the rest of the family and friends that had arrived, into the room. She would open her eyes, taking in this new world and she would cry but when she heard my voice, she stopped.
She was crying for me. Everyone left for the night and the nurse came back in to give Lily a bath and then it was just the three of us. I was beyond exhausted but couldn't help but study every inch of her body. She was stunning and as she laid on my chest, only hours after being inside of me, we breathed together, our hearts beat together. I could wrap my arms around her soul. I loved being able to nourish her needs from the outside, much like I did from the inside. I was a mom, a
proud mom. I was proud of myself, for accomplishing what I did. I was proud of my daughter. I was so proud of my husband, as nervous as he was, he stepped up. He exudes so much love for his girls and still to this day tells me how strong I am. It was a long, long day and as I lay there taking it all in, the three of us drifted off to sleep. The first sleep into the new journey of parenthood.
"Forever could never be long enough for me, to feel like I've had long enough with you"
