where the sand meets the shore

Vacation was everything I expected, I'm still still shaking sand from orifices, you know that's a good time. Spent some time basking in the sun, exfoliating in the ocean and of course, partaking in Jesus juice. er, wine. And I got my rook pierced! Don't be scared--it's just part of the ear. The piercer asked my tolerance level for pain, if he only knew, a sunny-side up baby, two tattoos, losing one of the most important people in my life and unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant for almost two years, yeah, I know pain sir. Of course, I let him off easy with the, I'm scared to death of needles but can manage pain pretty well. Any factor of pain can't touch what infertiles go through everyday. I think gouging my eyes out would be more tolerable than going through all the motions each month, only to always end up with the same result. The hub knew I'd been toying with the idea of getting it done and lets face it, when I 'toy' with ideas, its basically just letting him know that I'm going to do it. He actually took it much better than expected, maybe he's finally embracing my wiggly circle. lord knows it's not easy. His take on body/image altering things is "what kind of example are you setting" for the little. The awesome thing about her, she doesn't see tattoos or piercings. She doesn't see scars, stretchmarks or blemished skin. She doesn't see wiggly circles or straight arrows. She only sees me, if only the whole world could see people the way she sees me. The example I'm setting? Be who you are. Express yourself in whatever way that makes you feel alive, live in the moment and always believe in yourself.

 I'm feeling totally overwhelmed at work, I do it to myself. I always take on too much, I always think I can do it all. I know, no moderation. I have a hard time with lines and an even harder time asking for help. I guess I like the whole superwoman feeling, that is, until my cape tears and I come crashing to the ground, only then realizing even superwoman can't do it all.  I'll take one more step into the ocean and let it consume me rather than dancing along the edge where the sand meets the shore. We all like gratitude, we feed off it. Like the little ones who do anything in their power for a little parental praise, I guess we never really grow out of that. We always like to feel appreciated, we like to 'do it all' for a little recognition. There are days when I work late, take the little to the dentist, make dinner, clean up, put the little in the bath, find a few minutes to bathe myself and maybe get to sit down for a few before bed but its all worth it when, at the dinner table, she says "good job, mom!" Yeah, there it is-- I am appreciated, even if it is by a three year old, Dora loving toddler. My mom has been under the scrutiny of her fellow co-workers who are being inundated with grandchildren. Three of which are having 'surprise' babies, one who went through two IVF cycles to conceive their first two boys and unexpectedly found out they are pregnant with a third. This person in particular wasn't too thrilled about it. Really? You spent thousands of dollars for the two you have and you got a surprise like this and you're not thrilled? At this point I would be thrilled if a alien fetus came crawling out of my body, I would totally love that little ugly alien fetus. My mom knows my issues and luckily understands how hard this is for me, so even with her coworkers 'pressuring' her about when she'll be grandma again, she knows her boundaries and knows that there is a chance, it may not happen. Appreciation comes in so many forms and no matter who we are or what we've done, we always needs a little recognition to keep pushing forward.

Yep, I could totally love it.

Our deck is slowly coming along and by slowly I mean we haven't even gotten past pouring the footers yet. The deck guy is supposed to finish next week.  My back yard has 16 giant cement filled holes in it, I just know I'm going to go to jail because someones beloved fluffy comes over and gets stuck for days before we notice. It would have been so nice to come back from vacation to a complete deck, however, I'm all for saving 3 G's. I may need it to be bailed out of jail over fluffy. My birthday is Saturday, generally I don't do much for them, don't care that I'm getting older but this year, since my uterus is still vacant and my liver is in its prime, we're lettin' the Morrison Madhouse freak flag fly and havin' a cookout. What better way to spend your day of birth? Margs, friends, littles and a sprinkler? I just put Marg's before friends, didn't I? Don't judge. We'll probably have most of the gathering in the front yard, redneck style, to avoid the falling into any of the deck holes, I may be to inebriated to notice, for days. I'm most happy in that element, my favorite people around and some Yeungling yes, I said it, I've branched out from Bud Light *pats self on back*

Happy weekend friends!