greener grass

Advice. You go looking for it, you read books or articles in Cosmo, you seek friends wisdom, you ask for 'signs' and you search within yourself for the answer to which you're seeking. But the truth is, even when you've gathered all the facts, you've done your deepest soul searching and you know what you should do, you still can't bring yourself to accept it. The grass is always greener on the other side. Every decision has a consequence, every right has a wrong and part of going for what you want, means losing something else.  Life isn't black and white, it's not pass or fail, there is so much 'grey area' to life. I think no matter what 'answer' you find, it will never be good enough, it will never be what you want to hear. It takes work to be better than the rest, to be content with your heat-worn, dried out brown grass and to be a better you. You're always going to question whether or not you made the 'right' choice, big or small, you'll always wonder 'what if' you went with the other choice, how different might things be. You can't sweat your choices, especially after they are made, the word spoken or rock thrown can't be taken back. You have to be confident in your choice and have faith that where you're at, is exactly where you're supposed to be. You can't out run your choices and life always makes more. Whatever is may be, exercise, a new car, a baby or a really cute pair of shoes. Be confident in yourself. I'm not going to make my choice, I'm going to let it make me.

This morning could not be any more beautiful, its a front porch sittin', coffee drinkin', taking in the sweet honeysuckle breeze morning wish I could do just that, Instead I'm tackling the day with said coffee, computer screen and an office phone that won't stop ringing, grass is always greener eh? We spent most of the weekend at the pool and when we weren't at the pool, we were bumming food off of family. If you know me, you know I'll do ANYTHING to not have to cook, don't get me wrong, I don't mind cooking, I cook 5 days out of the week generally but if I can keep from it, I do. I'll drive hours to not have to cook. I'm not one of those, "invite but probably won't come" people, if you invite me for food, I will be there. We went to my sister in laws new place Saturday for a cookout, a friend and her husband had just gotten back from a two week Mediterranean cruise must be nice right? and brought a bottle of wine and not your ordinary sip till it feels good wine, there was a picture of a volcano on the bottle. We get the idea to do shots of volcanic ash act like you didn't know that was coming It literally felt as if I had ingested a shot of hot sauce, followed by a dash of flame. WHY would they even make this stuff, better yet WHY would anyone drink it? I, myself have never had heartburn but I'm sure it was just like that, like a person with heartburn, downing a plate of Mexican food sans fork. I'm pretty sure I breathed fire the rest of the night, dragon style. This same couple just started trying for a baby, as in, just took her last 'sugar' birth control pill. Their motto, "instead of practice makes perfect, practice makes baby" I remember what it felt like, the first month of officially 'trying' and all the excitement and how naive you are to think you would never have problems, I miss that. I miss the innocence of 'practice makes baby'. This is also a couple who probably shouldn't procreate, I've never met two people who are more stuck on themselves in all my life. I know, who am I to judge who should procreate, right? Whatever, I'm allowed to bitter, I'm sure her glorious pearls of eggs are anxiously awaiting sperm with baklava and a glass of wine that's how this couple rolls.  I swear to god if in 28 days she announces her pregnancy, the dragon within me will commence.

Appropriate. Beautiful. Enjoy.