freak flags & fist pumps

The freak flag was a flyin'at Wal-Mart today. For some reason every loud, obnoxious, rude person in the nation happened to be at my Wal-Mart at 9:30 this morning. Someone must have also forgotten to mention that it was newbie day, as in like FOUR newborns cuddled up in strollers and down every aisle I went down. I'm just bitter today, probably because I would have found out this week what our baby would have been or perhaps it was the baby dream I had last night. I never have baby dreams so after I woke up, baby fever only set in more. In the dream, it was like I was watching myself have a baby, because I went to work and came back and we had a baby. I asked my hub how everything went and if it was a boy or girl, when I was at work (in the dream) I was convinced it was a girl but he said it was a boy and he already named him. He named him Zachary Aarron Xavier. HA, I was so mad in my dream because we never discussed this name (and rest assure if we ever do have a boy this will not be his name.) and it was on the birth certificate! That's the last I remember of the dream and I woke up as if I had just held my baby, I could smell the new baby smell and feel his tiny body against mine, in my dream, I held my baby. Maybe this is a sign of things to come this month? Or maybe it was our baby that was due in August? Or at least a little hope that my baby is waiting for me. Even though the dream left me longing for my baby to be in my arms in real life, I'm glad to have had the chance to hold him in my dreams. He was perfect and I hope he knows, that I'll wait for him, forever.

if we do have another baby, I'd really like to stay home, I don't know if we'll be at a point where I can do that or not, but ultimately, I'd like to. I never had the opportunity with Lily and I don't know if I would change that or not. She loves going to the babysitter, she loves seeing her friends and it makes her happy. As hard as it is to leave her everyday, knowing that she really enjoys going, makes my decision all that easier. I like being a working mom, I like taking off the wife and mom hat for the day and replacing it with my calculator and computer. I like walking through the door to pick her up and having her run to me. Each kid is different and we all have different schedules to accommodate their needs but I'm in awe of the mutual respect working moms and SAHM's have for each other. My dear friend stays home with her kids and she said she has no idea how I do it every day, get up early, get Lily to daycare, work, come home and do all the chores and at the same time I don't know how she stays home all day, I've worked at a daycare and been responsible for 20, three year olds, I know its not a cake walk, its the best birth control a high school kid could ever have. We all do what's best for our children, we're moms, there is no great accomplishment in life. We are programmed from birth to care and nurture things, to take care of things, we are mom's. We sleep sitting up with our babe's in our lap because they are so stuffed up, we sit in the parking lot at the grocery store until they wake up because we know not to wake them, we use our shirts to wipe snot, we wipe butts with food in our mouth, 'puke' and 'poop' are used in everyday conversations and we love unconditionally. We are awesome. *fist pump!*