the road less traveled



Nope, not me.

 "I'm your biggest fan I'll follow you until you love me, papa, paparazzi" That song was all I could think about amidst the tons of people who showed up on Main Street Monday for a quick glimpse of the man himself, Clint Eastwood. I snapped a few pictures with my phone, it was really neat (who says neat? for lack of a better word) to see the crew setting up and filming in our little town. I got a few early morning errands out of the way and while in the post office the guy in front of me complained the entire time about how "our cops could be out doing other stuff, not barricading for a movie and this is delaying court" oh be serious. its a day, one day and its Clint mother effing Eastwood. Rumor has it he's staying with Robert Duvall (a Fauquier county native) and they are doing some additional filming at a barn near The Plains. It was a pretty big deal for us Fauquieriens, it put us on the map!

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Today is my last day of Clomid, CD7. I usually O on CD 16 when I take it days 3-7, so I'll be gearing up for that. Same stuff as last cycle, switched the Clomid days, still doing pre-seed and EPO but not the baby aspirin. Maybe if I switch things up just a little bit each month we'll find the right combination. I'm hopeful, but too grounded to get excited yet.

“Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.”

 Once again, Meredith Grey knows her shit. She’s also an infertile and yes I realize she is just a character on a show but still, I heart her. Anyway, to the point...I recently had an old friend come back into my life who hasn't been a part of it for the last 10 years. We caught up about four years ago for a month and then the distance began to grow between us for reasons that took this friend a long time to accept. I don't think its right to welcome yourself in and out of my life when its convenient to you but this person was a big part of my life and its nice to see this friend at a good point in their life, too. My problem is, this friend isn't good for me. As nice as it is to have them back, I know that road we will travel on and my gut tells me to steer clear of that road. (you know, the one that's dirt, gloomy, dark, over run with vines and is as long as your eyes can see, the one that your mom tells you not to go down because no one knows whats down there, but they know it ain't good.) That road. I have to say goodbye, I know I do but I'm so sick of saying goodbye, I said it to four people last year and it is the hardest thing I've ever done. Those four people happen to be my guardian angels now but the hurt involved in saying goodbye, is the same. Sometimes we have to realize that people can stay in our hearts but not in our lives, sometimes you make up lies and try to make yourself believe them, sometimes you lay in bed trying to put the pieces together, sometimes you confide in someone to verify that your're making the right choice even when you know that you're the only one that can make that decision and sometimes, sometimes we just have to let go. Letting go, is the hardest part. Letting go of the past, of the 'what could have been', of unresolved feelings and uncertainty. And looking forward to the future and all that it brings. Seeing beyond what I can feel and trusting that I'll end up where I'm meant to be. Trusting that I am on the right road, the one that I'm supposed to be on. If I can let go, like really let go and never look back, I can be free.