mindless happiness & infertility warriors

"I'm happy!" were the words that made my soul smile one morning this past week on the way to work. After all, isn't that all we want to hear as parents? We want healthy, growing, happy children. I love children, they have no sensors and are so pure, they speak right from their soul because that's all they know. I love their un-altered way of thinking and the way they look right past you sometimes as if they are smiling at the angels around you. They are angels among us and I never feel so close to god as when I'm in the presence of a child. The sun was just starting to rise over the mountains making her little blonde curls glow. She said "Sunshine, I missed you!" (it's been a gloomy couple of days) Sunshine makes her happy, she is me. There is nothing in the world that makes me as happy as sunshine on my shoulders. There we were, a beautiful spring morning, sun was shining, we were sharing our favorite chocolate chip muffins and singing our hearts out to The Band Perry, all was right in this world. 'Mindless happiness--not being happy because of something in particular but being happy because I'm happy.' We were happy. I like this mood I've been in all week, it looks good on me.

We're in the midst of a government furlough, or shut down and I'm starting to FREAK OUT a little. The hub is a government contractor and also the breadwinner in our family. All this means is that if he's out of work for an unknown amount of time, we may be living off of Ramen noodles for awhile. What do they expect people to do? You can't just go around and close up shop because you can't come to an agreement. We are people, we have houses, cars, lives and we need you, government, to be there. Our soldiers are out on the front line defending our freedom, what about their families? This makes me think of all the people that lost their jobs at the beginning of the foreclosure crisis, I feel for them. The stress and worry that comes along with wondering how you can provide for your family without a job. I know he will go back to work but the days to come that he is essentially jobless makes this cold world all too unwelcoming and real.

Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, or you, yourself have fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of women are fighting day in & day out. Post this as your status (on fb) if YOU or someone you know has walked through hell & back just for the slightest chance to be a MOM. After all, we'd all do anything for our children, unborn or born. We will fight until we can't fight anymore. To all my infertility girls, we know pain and disapointment like no other, but we also know strength like no other. We bruise our bellies with shots, we're stuck with needles multiples times a week, we have more people hovering around our vag than we'd like, we've experienced loss, we've recovered from loss, we set our alarm clocks every single day to take our temperature, we suffer through hulk-like side effects from new medications, we put on big fakes smiles at other people's baby showers, we put a band-aid over the hole in our soul, hoping it will help mend the pain, we are strong.