misery loves me

I just looked at 132 newborn pics of a strangers kid on fb. why you ask? because I love to torture myself. I was also skimming through status updates and came across this one:
"i'm pregnant an i don't give a f*** what noboday says i'm doing this an f*** everybody for puttin me down ima give it everything i never had an everybody says i can't do it but this baby is all i have an everybody i thought cared has turned their back but f*** em ima do what i got to f*** everyone!!!!!!!!!!!"
These are the people that get pregnant. The people who don't have jobs, have boyfriends that have lots of girlfriends, can't save up enough money for a house but always have money for nails and drugs. I hate those people.

on a brighter note, I knew I loved bunnies, for the following reason:

Chinese New Year: The Year of the Rabbit Could Be Your Year to Get Pregnant

Chinese New Year has always been associated with fertility, and the start of the Year of the Rabbit (February 3, 2011 - January 22, 2012) only emphasizes the traditional connection. According to the Beijing Review, rabbits have traditionally been viewed as the “God of Fertility” in China because of their high rates of reproduction. Ever heard of the saying “reproduce like rabbits?” Rabbits have earned their stellar fertility-symbol rating because one pair can produce 18 baby bunnies during one breeding season!

I signed Lily up for swim lessons AND gymnastics! I also offered to make, like old school hand make the wedding favors for my brothers upcoming wedding. I like to think I'm pretty crafty but don't usually have an outlet for my craftiness, so I'm excited about it! I'll give you the basics of what I'm doing (since she's a reader I don't want to give it ALL away!) I'm buying the small terracotta planter pots, filling them with dirt and sunflower seeds, to represent new growth--like in their marriage. Props to the bride, I thought it was clever! I'm dolling them up but will save those details for after the bride sees them!

The three of us were on the couch last night, the TV (which is usually blaring the Backyardigans or Two and a Half Men), was off. We were all close together sharing a little piece of Lily's favorite blanket that would only stretch so far. Her curly blonde hair tickled my nose as she would lean over. The little giggles and smiles from the two of them warmed my heart in that moment like never before. It was then, that I realised that if this is what I've got, if those two are all I'm supposed to have, then I've got it all. I was up with Lily at 2:30 AM this morning, she's been on the verge of getting a cold and her body succumbed to it. Normally these awakenings are rare, she likes to sleep in her bed and rarely do I hear a peep out of her until her morning chat sessions with her baby doll so anytime she does wake up, something is wrong. I walk in and with a held back cough, wheeziness labored breathing she calmly asks to sleep in my bed. I took her downstairs, gave her some cough medicine and a nebulizer treatment. We sang songs to make it through the grueling five minute treatment and went back to sleep, in my bed. My normal awakenings with her aren't as pleasant. I stumble into her room, sleepy eyed and groggy, tell her she's fine only to wake up a half hour later to the same thing and fight with her to do her treatment. I woke up last night, like really woke up. I've been reading two blogs where families have lost their little ones but how they cherished every single second while they were here. So I stopped feeling tired and soaked up every minute of that 15 minutes with my baby at 2:30 this morning.

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