I stopped taking my happy pills, or as I like to refer to them, my makes me lose 10 pounds and everyone thinks I'm on crack pills. No, seriously. They made me have no appetite at all and while some people are all, "I would LOVE to be on pills that make me lose weight" hi, have you met me? That was not a healthy weight for me. People literally thought I was on drugs, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that, give me a little credit, I have an irrational fear of becoming ugly and I'm pretty sure crack would make me ugly. I also have no idea where I would buy it or what you even do with it, lick it of the rim of a wine glass? The pills also made me pretty numb to any emotion, I felt like I walked around in a cloud. So, apologies to anyone that I blankly stared at as you tried to talk to me about life choices. It was the crazy pills and probably my ADD, but mostly the pills. The DR who prescribed them, or pushed them, advised that they would more or less calm your nerves and let you get your thoughts straight but I feel it altered them and when you're going through something so important, I feel you should be in your own state of mind, an unmedicated state of mind because feeling anything, any emotion is better than feeling nothing at all. It feels good getting healthy and getting back to me. Life is challenging in itself, throw in some crazy pills and you're in for a shitstorm of events but because of these trials and challenges, your strength is tested in a multitude of ways. Its amazing the things you can overcome and how a three hour chat over a glass of wine with a girlfriend one evening can re-charge you when you felt so beaten down. A few bridges have been burned and the smoke is starting to settle and it might be a long road to begin repairing them. Words can be very hurtful and can't be taken back. Forgiven? yes but forgotten, never. Choices have consequences. Rights have wrongs but sometimes, things aren't black and white. There can be so much grey area not seen by people. The bridges can be rebuilt. The hearts can be mended, they may always be bruised, but they will heal in time. For what its worth, its never too late to be whoever you want to be. To live a life you are proud of and if you find that you're not, to have the strength to start all over again. I'm still me. The door to my life, is always open to anyone who wants to come in.
I'm off to pick up my baby girl and enjoy the company of some friends then looking forward to a quiet weekend. Happy day, friends!
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