a smattering of shit

Thank you, to:

The worst car luck ever, something is wrong with the ignition so it takes on average ten minutes to start my car, anytime I want to start it. This also causes stress induced sweating and cursing, its quite the sight I tell you what. It also prompts me more likely to just leave the bitch running, someone wants it? good luck getting it started after you park it sucker, its a technique that has to be mastered. Maybe at least then I can tell the insurance company that some son of a bitch thief messed with my ignition and I need a new one.

Lily, who always has to pee at the worst moment. As in, at the mall, in any store that isn't a department store with bathrooms. Who fakes with 'my back hurts' and can't walk, and as a parent fail, I forgot a stroller because I took my hub's car to avoid having to deal with mine. SO, with my 40 pound Bath & Body Works bag, my 30 pound three year old and my 10 pound purse, we trekked ever so eloquently, hot mess style through Sears to the very back corner of the store to the bathroom, where the littlest bit of pee you could ever pee, was expelled. Repeat back to the store with no bathrooms.

The slowest cashiers ever at Charlotte Russe for providing me with an extra ten minutes in their store sans fake back hurting three year old to stand and bob my head to 'make love in this club' while in the company of my sister in law and making fun of fat, old,  fat and old people trying to wear Charlotte Russe clothes.

The pregnant lady that was ever so eager to approach us to moisturize our hands with some random glorified lotion she would try to talk us into buying. hey, cute little preggo lady, why don't you just go rub the whole bottle on your glorious bump? I didn't feel bad saying "no thank you" and walking right by, nope not at all. I mean, if you can't see 'infertile' written all over my body language then you're in the wrong line of work, sister. Just kidding, sort of. I hope she has an ugly little alien fetus, which in fact, I would also be jealous of.

My husband who will quite literally starve to death if I don't provide meals. How dare I get back from shopping and spending time at my parents at 7:15 at night, without dinner. What? He had to stir up some meat in a pan for tacos after he'd been trimming hedges and making a landfill run all day? hi dear husband, how about the other 320 days of the year I cook dinner on a timely basis, yeah recognize that shit or its Cap'n crunch for the remainder of the year.

A letter on Monday afternoon from the insurance company stating that as of July 15th they no longer cover ANY services performed by Shady Grove Fertility clinic. Awesome, this means that the office visits, blood work and sonograms that we were actually covered for, are not covered anymore. This also means, we need to find a new clinic and the consult/original plan we had in place, is a bunch of meaningless shit now.

A pair of "GET SOME" panties from VS, that screamed at me as I walked by for me to buy them, I did however, refrain from doing so, thank you.

Wine. Beer. Shots. wine, beer & shots. These need no explanation other then they and my friends, keep me sane. Disclaimer: I am NOT an alcoholic

Other real-life moms, moms who admit, that on several occasions we have seen a beautiful pond just beyond a grassy knoll and contemplated driving right into. Real moms. If you can't admit to never wanting to drive your car of screaming kid(s) into the pond, you're not real. I mean we never really would, but at the time, its very appropriate and you're not fooling anyone by saying you having thought of doing it.

oh and my baby would be due Friday.



This is my mood right now, maybe from the coffee triple shot. Oh and I hope that cute little preggo's baby looks exactly like this.