horror stories & hustlers. oh, and my ovaries still suck

I am being suffocated by baby news on fb. It's like a friggin' horror movie and everywhere I turn there is Freddy Fuckin' Grueger's uterus, you know, if he had one. One is in labor right now, posting hourly vagina updates, two are due in a few weeks and seven others continually boast about their impending motherhood.  I haven't even been logging onto my favorite TTC website, I've become this bitter bitch who 'hides' anyone who is pregnant on fb, ignorance is bliss and I'm happy as a clam to not see someones uterus, cervix dilation update or 'my baby is a small grapefruit this week' tickers, unless you're one of my really good friends, then I just stalk the shit out of your uterus. I've been finding it hard to breathe in most of areas of life lately. I've got the full weight of work on my shoulders and I know my boss is stressed, she's running herself ragged taking care of her unhealthy husband but when is too much, too much? When I'm standing here in the office rocking back and forth telling people about cats I don't have? or when there is no possible way I can do an IUI because it doesn't 'fit' in the schedule? I'm trying my hardest to free the work weight from her shoulders and I'm doing a pretty damn good job but man are my knees getting weak with everything. We all have issues in life, we all have stress and burdens but we have to always know we're not the only ship in the ocean and we must always, forge ahead. If there is anything at all that I've learned over the past few weeks, work, life and TTC wise, its that you can spend the rest of your life worrying about the future and no amount of worry will change a thing. Live a day at a time and take it as it comes. The only way to get to tomorrow, is by living today.


Yep, googled "weight on shoulders pics" and got this. eff you, google. EFF YOU.


I had an amazing birthday weekend, I truly have some of the best friends and family and am lucky enough to be able to share all my special moments with them. We grilled out, sat around laughing at each other and sipped our beer. My parents took the little for the night so some of us could go out and continue the celebration without parental judgement. So needless to say, I spent Sunday sweating out the alcohol by the pool. We got home that evening and still had a few chores to do leftover from the party and get in bed by 9. I would have made it 7 if possible. I learned that I'm way to old to be stayin' out till 4:30am. We got a knock on the door at about 6, I was just cleaning up dishes and such so the hub answered it said he'd be back in a minute and left. I figured a neighbor just needed help with something, about 20 minutes later he comes back with said neighbor. I hadn't met this guy, he's about five houses down, came in, introduced himself, chatted non stop about everything and had a nice recliner for sale and the hub wanted me to look at it. Sure, I'm all for meeting new neighbors and being nosey and checking out the inside of their house so we walk over. He gave us the grand tour of his house, full of millions of dollars worth of furniture and customization, he claims he bought the house six months ago but I'm almost positive he's renting, and renting it as is, meaning none of the shit he was bragging about was actually his. We get to the theatre room where the chair is, its a nice massaging chair, leather, smells like smoke and gumbo but I'm not judging and I'm not tryin' to pay $125 for it. He sweet talks, compliments and gravels to get me to buy it.We're building a deck, I have no cash and I really just don't want the damn chair. I nicely try to tell him just that, but he kicks it into hustle mode, like a broke car salesman feindin for a signature on the dotted line. My hub, all the while feeding the guys habit, trying to be as nice as possible. I'm trying to read the hub, wondering if he really does want the chair but soon realize dude has other motives. "well, you could give me half the money now, half later? I could drive you to the bank to get cash? Could you just give me a loan then, anything will help me out. My wife and I are diabetic and we're really low on insulin and CVS is closing soon. We really need it" is this really happening? Had he caught me a few hours earlier my response would have been "look bitch, I'm hungover as shit, I don't like being hustled and since when did they start calling crack, insulin?" or "Sure, hop in the car, I'll grab the roofies before we leave so I can get butt raped while we're at it!" I really wasn't sure what to say, his motives turned from neighbor introducing himself inviting us over for drinks to crackhead so desperate for a hit he's knockin' on people's doors and begging for cash. I wasn't about to lend him a dime, he'll be like a stray cat after that and never leave. There were so many things wrong with the bigger picture, if this was his million dollar house, why was he so hurt up for cash? If you were a true diabetic, wouldn't you have at least some 'back up' insulin, shit heat some sugar up with a spoon and hit it, I'm sure he knows how to do that! Finally, we were able to get away only because the hub told him to ask our other neighbors, which he did, and they gave him $20 for his habit. Awesome. Swear to god if he comes near my house anymore I'm calling the cops and telling them he's hiding Mexicans in his basement.