I've got to make this life make sense

I'm thankful for the familiar things I know and for the things I'll never know. I'm thankful for my unanswered prayers, I know god has a bigger plan for me. For the raspy, silent laugh Lily does when she's laughing so hard, that the noise that comes with it just can't quite keep up. My girlfriends. You want to know how a girl survives? Look by her side. You ladies embrace my freak flag, you don't make me paint myself in black and white, or limit myself to a definition. You know I've got a few lose screws and you don't give a shit. My husband, who has shown me more about myself, than anyone. He's the toughest fighter I know. I aspire to be like him, his work ethic, his passion for family and his expectations of himself. When he loves, he loves hard and at times that leaves him vulnerable to being hurt but its never stopped him from loving. Always willing, to help, to love, to better himself. My family and how supportive they are, even in the worst of time. It's been a rough year and I've learned that if you ever need to figure out where you're going, start with where you've been and where you come from.
Being thankful comes in so many shapes and forms. For Lily, most of the time it comes in a "this is my best day!" and in that, I know she's thankful for that day, for whatever we did and who we are. For my husband and I, it usually comes in the same form. If we're excited about something or like the elements, we tend to say "that would be my best day!" Although the occasional "thank you" is nice to hear and is still important, its also important to look for the thankfulness that comes in the in-between. It's in the moments where a rake and fall leaves make the perfect jumping piles. It's at the table playing cards with dear friends, sipping wine and laughing until it actually hurts. It's watching a perfect little three year old stand in the shower with her eyes closed while the water runs down her and catching a glimpse of the beautiful woman she is going to be. It's carrying on the most important conversation about a play-doh picnic. The first fruit in the summer and the sky-pink hues in October that are as significant as the changing seasons. Letting the little 'help', which is mainly an egg stirred too fast and spilled or flour that has missed the bowl but letting her help anyway because she is willing, able and ready to learn. We tend to miss these moments, we get busy, our minds gets clouded, we lose sight of what's important. I'm thankful for the right now, the life as I'm in it at this exact moment, no more, no less.

Today is my eight year anniversary of keeper of the books. I stumbled upon this job a few months after graduating high school and who knew it would end up being such a perfect fit for me. I'm thankful to have such a steady job, that I like. I have a great relationship with my boss, my clients generally listen to me when I tell them they're spending too much and I've got a lot of 'wiggle' room. With taking things over and being an official business owner in the near future, I'm proud of this accomplishment. I'll drink to that tonight!

I'm going to surprise Lily and go to her Thanksgiving luncheon tomorrow. Work keeps me busier than I like, but with the little wiggle room I have, I'm making sure to make time for her, so she feels special, so she will always know that she comes first and will remember these times that we would do things, just for her, just because we love her. After all, she is my greatest accomplishment in life and though waking her in the mornings is much like waking the spawn of satan, she was heaven sent. I can't say it enough, she saved me from being everything I hate about myself. I'm most grateful that she's in my life and even more grateful to be her mom. Find a reason, every day, to be thankful. Toast to it, drink to it, say it to yourself, whatever it is you do, find a reason. Thankfulness and happiness go hand in hand and you are the only one who can make you happy. As you sit around your table, stuffing your faces with turkey and all the trimmings, take a minute and breathe in your surroundings. We know all to well that tomorrow isn't promised, so drink it the good stuff while you're living it.

Thank you, bloggy friends, for giving me an outlet to express myself, a way to cope with the emotional highs and lows of infertility and reading my stories on exploding pythons (of the non-penis sort). I'm able to put all that's in my head on paper and times when I don't believe in myself, you're always there to believe in me. You pretty much rock my world!