falling into place

October. A brand new month, it felt good to rip off the August and September months from the ol' calendar. Life seemed to have really tested me those two months, possibly two of the longest and most awakening months of my life. October is a good month to tell life to suck it! I'm holdin' onto the handlebars this month and drivin' on my own. I've been terrible with my temping, I've been terrible with baby making sex and I have yet to make an appointment with a new RE. I really let life take over in all aspects and I know there are many things out of my control but there are some things, I can fight for. But I also know, you can't let infertility consume your life, you have to live and sometimes its ok for it to go on the 'back burner', sometimes life and living it renew your strength. “Practice not wanting, desiring, judging, doing, fighting, knowing. Practice just being. Everything will fall into place.” Most of my weekends this month are cram-packed with gatherings with friends or family. Its just a precursor to the holidays and I love it. However, October is also bittersweet for me. While the excitement of fall and the upcoming events gives you a high, the harsh reality that the 23rd is the one year mark of my dear friends sudden passing bores a deep hole in my heart. I strive everyday to remember his voice, to be sure I never forget it. I scroll through pictures reliving each memory over the years and I truly wear his memorial tattoo like a badge of honor. Its weird, pain heals pain, for me anyway. Getting a tattoo can close a chapter of life, it can heal a hurt like no other and it can bring a happiness like nothing else. It helps you to move on as well as remember. As I'm moving forward in other aspects of life, a new tattoo is being drawn. To commemorate the things I've been through and to honor my daughter. It's healing.

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"Remember that time I threw up on the table and on my food? That was a bad day" "Yes, yes that was a bad day" "What's that smell?" "It's smoke, someone has a fire going" "It smells like ham! I like ham" This kid's awesomeness rattles my bones. I know she's legitimately mine when she busts out with random thoughts and "that's a bad day's" I hope she speaks her uncensored mind for the rest of her life. She's sassy, she freaks out when she doesn't get her way, she knows exactly which buttons to push to send you over the edge but oh is she pure, she'll be the first person to tell you if she likes (or doesn't!) something, if she tells you out of nowhere that she loves you, oh how she means it. Treat her right and she'll love you like nobody else. We took her to see her first movie in theatre, complete with bag of day old popcorn and the biggest Sprite we could get. If you're going to get the full movie experience, you have to do it all, at least this once. We saw Lion King 3D and were the only ones in the theatre. If you're ever going to go to a movie, go on a Wednesday at 6:40, you'll never be sorry and we still made it home in time for Modern Family. The $50 in tickets and movie snacks were worth it because, we were making memories. Good memories, pumpkin carving in the fall, hot chocolate in the winter, vacations in the summer and movies on rainy days. Memories will always outweigh everything else, because without memories, life would suck. Memories will always teather you to certain places, people or things. Memories will make you smile or cry but everyone of them shaped you into the person you are. You are stronger for the tough memories, you are better for the happy ones and you are more wise for the bad ones.

yes, we are always this goofy.

Happy Thursday!  Dance class for the little and wine&dine with our favorites, I've got memories to be had!