But I guess I can live without you but without you I’ll be miserable at best.

Pre-AF spotting, the same pre-AF spotting that I get every.single.cycle. FF also changed my CH's back to CD 19, which would make me at 11DPO, just in time for my usual spotting. I don't get it, this is where the line ends for us, we have no money to do an IUI cycle, certainly no money for IVF and have to wait another month for a freaking semen analysis. Why do I ever get my hopes up?

"Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes to simply be human. Maybe, we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate." Meredith Grey knows her shit.

And to relish in the awesomeness that is today (can you feel the sarcasm?) my hair smells like coffee because my sorry ass mug leaked all over me and it  also marks the 5 month anniversary of TJ's death. The only thing that might make today a little better is a little GTL ('gym, tanning, laundry' for all you non-Jersey Shore Fans)  Along with girls night, running helps free my mind. I've been running and feeling good. I'm going to run and tan and sulk today. Hell, I may even go crazy and have a caffeinated diet pepsi with lunch *gasp!* and start a new month when AF does arrive, tomorrow is another day and I know all to well, it isn't promised.