This just in: LAP surgery & we're going to need more wine!

I had my appointment with my new RE this morning. I like Dr. R! I didn't feel rushed and his waiting room Better Homes/Parenting magazine ratio pleased me. Props to you on that one Dr. R, not all of us like seeing babies and fertile mothers and their fertile smiles on every single magazine cover. Anyway, I had to get a pap, my last one was in 2009, right after my CKC surgery so I'm WAY overdue for one. I'm a little nervous to get the results back, I have an eerie feeling that my dysplasia is back, which will halt TTC plans until its taken care of. I'm hoping that is not the case and that the surgery has done its job! On the TTC front, he's going to schedule a Laparoscopy before we move onto more invasive, money spending procedures such as the IUI. In short, they insert a tube and dye thru your belly button and check your tubes for signs of endometriosis or anything else that could be causing problems. He suggests this first because if we were to go ahead and do the IUI and there be some blockage in my tubes, the IUI and two g's would all flush right down my tubes because if the egg can't travel down them, then the hub's eager 75 mil sperm can't woo it with their dirty talk and lemonade. I'm pretty sure that's how it happens. I think this is a good plan, I'm ready for it, I'm ready for what's next in life. I'm ready for you January!

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I've got all my shopping done but still need to make one quick trip the the 'burg. I'm so over shopping for other people, I'm way more of a fan of shopping for myself. Ho, friggin' Ho, right? I have to clean house this weekend in preparation of Christmas dinner at our house. I don't think in the history of ever that I've cleaned my whole house at one time. I'm not one of those people. Growing up, my mom would designate weekends as 'house cleaning weekend' Hell to the nah in my house. If somethings dusty and its starting to bother me when the sun hits it just right, then I'll dust that bitch. If socks start sticking to the floor, I may feel the urge to mop it. I just have to be in a cleaning mood to really want that Clorox smell looming in the air, but mood or not, it must be done this weekend. I'm so ADD in many ways that its impossible for me to start one thing and finish it, I start five things before I ever finish what I first started with. I need a list. A cleaning list. I'll start that today. oh god, I bet my mother has 'cleaning lists'. I was proud of myself for getting out an e-vite to the Morrison side of the family for Christmas dinner, before Christmas Eve. I'm sure they are second guessing letting me take over this whole thing this year after my invite, but whatevs, it will be glorious.

Actual lines from my Christmas at my house e-vite:

"Also, my wine bar has wine in it. Just sayin'. And, my 'Glee Christmas' CD will be playing on repeat for the entire day, because it's awesome. You've been warned. Also, We will provide the appetizers, ham, deviled eggs and holiday plates. Fight with each other over what else you would like to bring for sides because if you ask me, I'll tell everyone wine and pie because I really like those things" If that doesn't frighten people away from coming they must be really awesome or like wine & pie as much as I do.

And if they aren't fans of those awesome things, then I'm pretty sure they shouldn't be partaking in my ham, or Jesus juice, THANK YOU.

my greatest blessing calls me mommy

I'm lucky enough to have three mothers in my life and am thankful for each one for shaping me into the person I am today and guiding me through my journey in motherhood. My mom, although we've had our differences along the way and haven't seen eye to eye on many things, one thing we always agree on, is our pure respect and admiration for each other. She and my dad have always been the first and sometimes the only people to tell me how proud they are of me, as a daughter, wife, an employee and a mother. They provided me with the foundation to grow and mature into the person I am. My mom has supported me in everything I do, she's always been just a phone call away and will always drop anything she's doing to help me out. I take pride in making them proud, the values she's given me give me the strength to continue to be successful in more ways that she could know.

My second mom, Judy. She has been in my life for almost 20 years and has played a big part in who I have become. Growing up she was the 'cool' mom. The one you could talk to about anything and was always a 'judgement free' zone. She is still the cool mom and in most ways I'm closer to her than my own mom, she knows all my secrets, my ins and outs, up and downs and all because, she never judges me. I can be my complete and total self around her with no reservations and I always leave knowing she loves me.  She's the strongest person I know, overcoming a parent's worst nightmare of losing a child. She exudes strength like no other and even when she has 'bad' days, we can still see the strength beneath the tears.  She inspires me everyday to live for the day, she makes me happy, she makes me, me.

My mother in law, Rita. The giver, she would spend all her money buying for her children and grand-children. Nothing makes her more happy than getting up early on a Saturday morning to find the best yard sales in town. She loves to give. Rarely does she come home with something for herself, she spends hours picking out the best Gymboree clothes for the babies because giving makes her happy. We also had our differences in the raising of my child and I can take that in stride now, she's a nurturer and its hard for her to let someone else do the nurturing. She exudes love for her loved ones, her favorite place is anywhere her family is. After all, isn't that what is most important in life? your family. I'm thankful to have married into such a loving, welcoming, giving family.

With such great influences in my life, I strive everyday to absorb everything I can from these amazing ladies. I can only hope that I can be as great of a mother as they are as I continue down my journey of parenthood. I hope to have a strong relationship with my daughter, balancing friendship and being a parent, balancing honesty and overbearing and giving her the best of me, every day of my life. I know being a parent is a challenge but I also know the hurt that comes along with not being able to really celebrate Mother's Day, I know how much this upcoming day sucks for an infertile, I know the pain and silent grief that hides behind the smile of an infertile on a day like today and I know just how blessed I am. Wherever my path in life takes me, no matter what gets thrown my way, I'm a survivor. I was born to be stubborn, to be a little bitchy, to push people and push myself. I was taught to never take life for granted, to live a little and love with everything I had, to never give up, to believe in myself but most of all, fight for myself.

Happy Mother's Day!