After three years of trying to sell our much-to-small-now townhouse we finally SOLD that sucker in May of 2010. The house we had a contract on was a short sale, never buy one, the name is so deceiving. It took 6 months, 6 MONTHS for us to move in, which I was told is minimal compared to what some are. Seriously? If I had to live with other people another day I would have ended up on the front page of the paper and NOT in a good way. We bounced from the townhouse , to my parents basement, to my hub's GG's and finally to our new house. Sounds exhausting, right? Not the best environments for baby-making!
I lost two grandfathers last year, within days of each other followed by the worst October of my life. With the sudden death of my dear friend TJ,who I've known my whole life, I wasn't sure how much more my heart could hurt. I don't need a stupid day or time to remind me he's gone. You know how I know? There is this hole in my heart that has been there since he left. I miss him every single day and long to find a way to survive this life, without him. Please check out his memorial page: http://www.inlovingmemoryoftjmullins.weebly.com/
AS far as baby #2 is concerned (or lack thereof of baby#2) We began 'trying but not trying' in November 09. I had my HSG procedure in May 10 and have been ovulating since June so really we've only been trying for 8 months, long months of medications, blood draws, temping/charting and heartache. I had CKC surgery in June of 2009 to remove cancerous lesions on the cervix, which can also inhibit our chances of conceiving as they 're-shape' the cervix. We met with an RE in August, I left the office feeling completely defeated. We met with the DR, a nurse and a finance lady whom all crammed a TON of information into our little brains, long story short, a simple IUI/injections cycle could help us a great deal, however it will set us back $3,000.00 PER CYCLE. Let me just crap out 3 G's and call it a day, if it were only that easy. I cried the whole way home, maybe we just weren't destined to have two children, maybe I'm not being thankful enough for the one I have. I've got a few dear friends online that ache to have just one and here I am sobbing for a second. But at the end of the day, we all share that common thread of heartache each and every month when we grieve our own silent grief.
We got a positive pregnancy test in December of 2010. Wait, we CAN do this ourselves?! What a relief! Sadly, this ended in an early miscarriage at 5 weeks. Just when I thought 2010 couldn't get any worse, it did. I do believe that your life 'plan' is all mapped out before you get here, down to the people you meet. I think miscarriages are baby's whose 'plan' changes, some last minute change to the plan and that the baby will come back to you, it is yours, it just needed the plan to be perfect. This leaves us in the present, trying a few new natural things and anxiously awaiting a baby in my aching arms.
I won't let infertility define me. As much a part of me as it is, I won't let it consume me. I like my music loud, my beer cold, my girlfriends on speed dial, the windows down, a new haircut, the view I get in the rearview mirror from the drivers seat of my car, a beautiful bouquet of flowers when the week has been too strong. I am blessed.
