It may be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.

It wasn't until this weekend that I realized my apprehensive, shy-away baby, is no more. Put on a helmet and ride a horse around? sure why not. Get the life jacket on and spend an entire day on a boat? did you even have to ask mom? A year ago, these things would have frightened her to no end, she didn't want to be out of my sight let alone giddyin' up or trolling around a lake. She's becoming her own. In her eyes, trees aren't blowing in the wind, the "trees are dancing!". She tip toes through life, walking along the edge of where water meets sand. She inspires me everyday to see life as 'trees dancing'. She is becoming this independent, I'm going places little girl and I love it. I love watching her define herself. I can't say it enough, she is really going to kick life's ass! We spent Sunday at the Delaplane Strawberry Festival with a million other people. It was Africa hot, people everywhere and strawberries were $40 but it was something to do, there were all the kids-love-this-shit games and face painting and that's what you do when you have kids, you go to these things because they have fun and if they are having fun, then life is good. You know what else was good? the $5 strawberry sundae, half ice cream, half pound cake with a huge helping of strawberries topped with whip cream. Heaven in a bowl. The whole day was worth it from that point on, even the hay ride that caused me to break out in welts, get all stuffy and sneeze 50 times. We topped off the long weekend at the Lake with my almost-sister-in-law's family. I think when you want to get away from things, you need a day at the lake. A boat, the lake, some of your favorite people and bud light, its pretty much my vision of heaven, well, with strawberry sundae's of course.

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you know that phone call you get, the one out of the ordinary, wrong place wrong time, sucker punch in the stomach feeling call when you know something ain't right and something has to be wrong? it happened. again. I will always remember every detail of these calls, the one in October 'He's not breathing Stac, he's not breathing" followed by the longest half hour of my life before "he's gone" penetrated through my soul. And the one today, "Did you hear what happened?" followed by the same words. I hate these calls, these calls, these words spoken change your life, forever. Our crew, our "Mullins" crew is down, two. Another childhood friend, a friend who was a big part of my life growing up, a father, husband and one of the nicest people you could meet, was taken. How many times are we going to have to do this? How many times are we going to have to bury our friends? Our crew, consists of those of us who grew up on Tackett Lane, the originals. It consists of some of TJ's friends who are more family, its TJ's family and we are one fricking tough crew. We've been through some of the hardest things and together, we've prevailed. We've pulled together through these hard times, we still have 'cornhole' parties even though its never the same, we are always there for each other because we know this pain all to well. I don't know why and I may never know why these things happen and the same with the infertility, but I know god needed them, he picks only the best and when he picked TJ and Jay? oh he knew what he was doing, he knew he was getting the best. God picked our crew of people because he knew we are tough enough to handle it, he picks me on infertility because he knows I'll fight it. This 'test', this life test, oh its been anything but easy, its been damn hard but I got the chance to know some of the greatest people, they are the wonders of my world and my crew and I, we know strength like nobody else and we know the power of love and faith because without that as our foundation, we got nothing. And the day that our whole crew is reunited? oh what a day for the record books that will be.



We will miss you, Jay.