fixing all the problems in my own head

Rehearsal dinner, bagged and eaten at 9:00 pm check. Viewing and funeral services, check. Beautiful wedding & reception, check. Anniversary dinner, KFC because that's what the little wanted check. Sunflower favors, fail. I said it, FAIL. What once were glorious sprouting darlings representing new life and growth turned into wilted stems lookin' more like a graveyard representing sorrow and death, not exactly the kind of idea you were having for a freaking wedding! Luckily, a few fake sunflowers transformed my graveyard of favors into the happy, sun-shiney look we were going for. What a weekend it was. My flower girl rocked her roll in the wedding did we ever think she wouldn't shine in the spotlight? That girl makes me proud in more ways than I knew I could ever be. She also happens to be, the life of the party. Have you ever seen a three year old standing in front of a speaker dancing her heart out and singing every single word to "Bow chicka wow wow"? its pure joy. Hand motions, facial expressions and plain ol' gettin' down with her bad self. She is going places in life, she has so much determination and drive. She's not going to take 'no' for an answer, she's going to set a goal and accomplish it, I just know it. I'm proud of the family and friends that have been through so much this year and that we can pull together and be there for each other in the best and worst of times. I'm proud of my brother, his road, much like mine has been anything but easy but he's accomplished so much. I'm proud of my husband, for sticking by me, even when my wild side gets the better of me. I got a reality check, a new sister and extended family and another year under my belt of marriage this weekend. A tough weekend but also some of the most defining moments of our life.

Photography by one of my best friends, find her on facebook. (MJ Photography)

We've been 'trying without overthinking' and clearly, my ovaries haven't been doing their part in welcoming sperm with lemonade and cake squares. My chart has been 'funny' for lack of a better word because I was thinking more along the lines of fucked up for the last two months. I've had really short leutal phases, not sure what its all about or if I've even really ovulated so I'm not going to over think, I'm not going to do it. I'm enjoying summer. I'm not over thinking my chart or my needy uterus this summer. I'm going to enjoy margaritas on the deck, enjoy sweating out a hangover by the pool. I'm going to enjoy doing everything with Lily that we possibly can because just maybe, this will be her last summer as an only child. I'm going to keep running, I'm going to take time to bake with my girl and I'm going to be a better wife. I'm not going to over think anything the next couple of months because I know come September I will have to over think everything. I'm going to put my brain on reserve and live life. I wonder if that's what its like to be high? Just lettin' your brain chill. I have no desire to ever find out cause I'm not tryin to be all TV starin', snack muchin', brain cell dyin'. Natural high, high on life. Cheesy, right? Maybe its the caffeine buzz from my bakery cup o' coffee or maybe it's the new shoes I bought for the wedding that I told my husband I was going to return, which by the way, I never had any intention of returning, I'm madly in love with them. Maybe its the view I got in the rear view mirror this morning or the squeals of the little running through the sprinkler last night. Maybe, just maybe I'll swing by Chick Fil A on the way home for a much deserved milkshake. A milkshake high, I'm down for that. Faith is a funny thing, it turns up when you least expect it. Its not so important happy ever after, its just happy right now. Its about living in the moment and appreciating what you have for what it is.


Nope, not taking them back. Not going to do it.